the pictures in his mind arose
and began to breathe
-regina spektor
[drops in the bucket]
lately, i've just been feeling down. maybe not even down, but more like, flatlined. not great, not myself, not really much of anything but blah. maybe it's a defense mechanism from all the stress, maybe it's the winter, maybe it's any number of reasons why.
the point is, i've felt dry. used up. just flat.
so when our PD this morning revolved around a response to the book "Drops in the Bucket," i made no correlation whatsoever to my own state of being. instead, i simply kicked back and enjoyed hearing one of my favorite stories.
but really, that story became the theme of the day.
i had a co-worker, one whom i rarely talk to and know very little of, make it a point to email me today, extending support and appreciation for the new program i'm initiating in the school.
i received a great review from the director of special ed and my principal regarding my teaching from the walkthrough the day before...when walkthroughs are notoriously negative and critical.
finally, i went out for drinks with my sped cohorts, and engaged in some very candid, bolstering conversation :) one of the girls i work with was on my interview committee when i was looking for a job this summer, and she said i was by far and away the most dynamic person they had interviewed, and was the school's number one pick.
dynamic. number one. awesome iniative. great engagement.
drip. drip. drip. drip.
just like that, i feel more like myself than i've felt in a long time. just like that, with just a few simple words, i am whole.
it truly is amazing the difference a few words can make.
sometimes all it takes is a couple drops in the bucket to make you feel validated again.
i'm going to stop writing now and fill a few more buckets.
peace.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
[1901]
now the future's sorted out
watch her moving in elliptical patterns
-phoenix
[you've got the love]
a woman outside the post office sporting Greenpeace gear today asked me, "Do you want to help me save the world?"
my response as i quickly marched past, head down was, "I already do that every day."
had this woman asked me this question a year ago, i would have no doubt made the same response. instead of my snarky, almost resigned tone, however, that statement would have been full to the brim with earnest belief and anticipation. as i nearly bolted away, i began to think about the truth to that remark.
i am a teacher. i save the world every day.
it's just really easy to forget that.
since becoming a part of this profession nearly seven months ago, i have been swept up in the scheduling nightmares, the co-worker conflicts, the lack of support from the superiors, the insistence upon adhering exactly to the curriculum, an inherent misunderstanding of special education, and nearly zero respect from the parents. in other words, the politics of the profession. my senses have been flooded with "you're not doing enough," "why aren't those scores higher?" "why isn't my kid learning faster?"
and if that weren't overwhelming enough, there are the children.
there are the children that draw on every single page of the notebook you bought them, there are the children that spend half the class in the bathroom, there are the children that scream "The Star-Spangled Banner" at the top of their lungs, there are the children that are staring out the window dreaming of everything else but school, there are the children that just can't keep their mouths shut to save their souls. of course, there are the children that want to learn. but it's easy to lose them in the chaotic shuffle that is a resource room.
the problem is, it's just easy to forget the good things.
and we, as teachers, are doing good things. yes, part of those "good things" includes teaching kiddos to read. but truthfully, that's minimal compared to other skills that i am trying desperately to imbue unto these children.
if i can teach these children to take responsibility for themselves; not blaming their mistakes on their neighbor, their friend, their dog, not losing everything they own in a span of five minutes, not forgetting their homework on their desk while walking out of the classroom - if instead i can teach them to be responsible for their actions, i will have succeeded.
if i can teach these students to care; to care for themselves, their belongings, their environment, and even their friends, i will have succeeded.
if i can teach these students to be honest; instead of looking off of someone else's work just to get it done, instead of cheating during a test, instead of lying about who started the fight - if instead i can enable them to be people of character who own up to their actions, i will have succeeded. finally, if i can teach them to respect; respect themselves for the inherently wonderful children they are and the brilliant adults they can become, respect the school and their teachers for the opportunities that are given, respect their peers as worthy individuals, respect their community and environment around them, then i will have succeeded.
truthfully, i am in the profession of teaching children how to be genuine people, not the profession of teaching reading, writing, and 'rithmetic as is so commonly believed.
and yes, i did just go all four core values all over this blog. thank you, YMCA. you have taught me that character, leadership, and integrity are far more valuable than knowing how to spell "restitution" correctly.
i can only hope to impart that same wisdom to seventeen small children in the midst of all this madness.
peace.
watch her moving in elliptical patterns
-phoenix
[you've got the love]
a woman outside the post office sporting Greenpeace gear today asked me, "Do you want to help me save the world?"
my response as i quickly marched past, head down was, "I already do that every day."
had this woman asked me this question a year ago, i would have no doubt made the same response. instead of my snarky, almost resigned tone, however, that statement would have been full to the brim with earnest belief and anticipation. as i nearly bolted away, i began to think about the truth to that remark.
i am a teacher. i save the world every day.
it's just really easy to forget that.
since becoming a part of this profession nearly seven months ago, i have been swept up in the scheduling nightmares, the co-worker conflicts, the lack of support from the superiors, the insistence upon adhering exactly to the curriculum, an inherent misunderstanding of special education, and nearly zero respect from the parents. in other words, the politics of the profession. my senses have been flooded with "you're not doing enough," "why aren't those scores higher?" "why isn't my kid learning faster?"
and if that weren't overwhelming enough, there are the children.
there are the children that draw on every single page of the notebook you bought them, there are the children that spend half the class in the bathroom, there are the children that scream "The Star-Spangled Banner" at the top of their lungs, there are the children that are staring out the window dreaming of everything else but school, there are the children that just can't keep their mouths shut to save their souls. of course, there are the children that want to learn. but it's easy to lose them in the chaotic shuffle that is a resource room.
the problem is, it's just easy to forget the good things.
and we, as teachers, are doing good things. yes, part of those "good things" includes teaching kiddos to read. but truthfully, that's minimal compared to other skills that i am trying desperately to imbue unto these children.
if i can teach these children to take responsibility for themselves; not blaming their mistakes on their neighbor, their friend, their dog, not losing everything they own in a span of five minutes, not forgetting their homework on their desk while walking out of the classroom - if instead i can teach them to be responsible for their actions, i will have succeeded.
if i can teach these students to care; to care for themselves, their belongings, their environment, and even their friends, i will have succeeded.
if i can teach these students to be honest; instead of looking off of someone else's work just to get it done, instead of cheating during a test, instead of lying about who started the fight - if instead i can enable them to be people of character who own up to their actions, i will have succeeded. finally, if i can teach them to respect; respect themselves for the inherently wonderful children they are and the brilliant adults they can become, respect the school and their teachers for the opportunities that are given, respect their peers as worthy individuals, respect their community and environment around them, then i will have succeeded.
truthfully, i am in the profession of teaching children how to be genuine people, not the profession of teaching reading, writing, and 'rithmetic as is so commonly believed.
and yes, i did just go all four core values all over this blog. thank you, YMCA. you have taught me that character, leadership, and integrity are far more valuable than knowing how to spell "restitution" correctly.
i can only hope to impart that same wisdom to seventeen small children in the midst of all this madness.
peace.
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