[american girls]

american girls are feathers and cream
come into bed so edible


-counting crows


[dreamcatcher]


in dreams....

last night i dreamed i was bleeding uncontrollably, talking to my dead grandfather in his old house, calling my CT to tell him i was going to urgent care and couldn't come in today to teach. there was a ship involved at some point.

[side note: last night i gouged my foot on glass, which caused a cut that would not stop bleeding]

several nights ago my dreams were haunted by a serial killer lurking in the shadows of a hotel i was visiting. i knew it was only a matter of time before he found me, in a dusk ridden hotel lobby strewn with bodies.

on wednesday of last week, i wandered in my dream dressed in a gorgeous pink prom dress like a lost doll. jessa and katie sb provided me with makeup, then went out to the car while i walked zombie-like around the house, convinced i needed my jacket, a purse, my shoes, something. i was looking for something while seeing ace of base rolling around the floor. there was also a tub filled with rose petals for me, though i could not use it - i was already late for the dance.

[side note: i woke up from this dream 5 minutes after i was supposed to have left the house]

on another happy occasion in dreamland, i dreamed i was being first spooned then strangled, only to wake up hitting the person next to me.


i don't know what i'm so afraid of, but i do know this: sleep has not been a comfortable experience for me as of late. anyone care to interpret?


peace all.

[you don't know me]

so, what i'm trying to say is
what (what?)
i'm trying to tell you
it's not gonna come out
like i wanna say it
'cause i know you'll only change it
say it

you don't know me
you don't know me
you don't know me
at all.




-ben folds ft. regina spektor


[your favourite weapon]


how can you live with someone for so long and still, after so many years, they have no idea what kind of person you are or what would be best for you?

case in point: my mother. i've made it very clear that my heart is out west, that my greatest ambition at this point is to get a special education teaching job in seattle (or portland, or even san francisco/LA - somewhere urban). obviously, because she's my mother, she would like to keep me around, see me teach in the area for a while. yes. i will apply to some schools in grand rapids or ann arbor, partly to humor her, partly because i do love both of those cities and would deal best with living there if i had to stay in michigan. apparently, those weren't good enough for her.

the woman operates on teeth for a living. i'm sure she got this poor person strapped to a chair, stuffed with painful, torturous instruments, completely incapacitated their ability to talk, and extracted the information by force. however she did it, my mother managed to obtain the address of the superintendent for the troy school district.
troy.
michigan.
suburbiaville.
close to home.
are any of these things even remotely close to what i'm looking for in a job location?
NO.
i will apply, but i will not accept, should i be considered for hire.
to work there would be to put my sanity on the line.
suburbia, hah.
what was she thinking?
oh, mother.

surgeon general's warning: don't try my patience right now, it's currently unplugged.


peace.

[bad day]

broadcast me a joyful noise unto the times
count your blessings


-r.e.m.


[on the radio]


funny, that R.E.M. song is one of my faves, but the title is misleading. it's definitely a song for a good day, like today.

it's 45 degrees.
it's sunny.
i'm recovering from the latest bout of flu.
i went outside without a coat.
life is beautiful.