[kids]

the memories fade
like looking through a fogged mirror
decisions to decisions are made
and not bought
but i thought this wouldn't hurt a lot
i guess not


-mgmt


[like spinning plates]


okay, it's decision time, kids.

i've got a job offer from san diego.
i've got a second interview with fremont (san francisco) on may 15th.
i've got a phone call from the director of special ed in adams county (denver).

as i am me, i made my pros and cons list, i analyzed the situations thoroughly, and ....



...drumroll.....




i still have no idea what to do. big surprise.



gut feeling - fremont.
safe choice - san diego.
most playtime - adams county.




the kicker: san diego gave me thirty days to decide. i'm down to twenty-seven now. AND rumor has it fremont won't start hiring until mid-june.
eeek!


helpful advice welcomed.


love.

[come around]

would you come down and catch my train?
would you run down and play this game?


-m.i.a.



[all deliberate speed]


new favorite statement from the mouth of a child:


kat: sneaks up to the front of the line, looks up to see if i'm watching, pauses. "miss j, i snuck up on you! You didn't see me!"

me: poker-faced "yep, definitely did. watched you run right on up here."

kat: all disbelief "you did? really?"

me: complete seriousness "yep. i see everything you guys do."

kat: sincere in only the way a third-grader can be: "you have eyes like a hawk."


darling, you better believe i do. they're on the back of my head, too :)



in other news:
job fair at the Bres tomorrow. here we go again.


love.

[save me]

crazy thoughts have quick wings


-jem



[so it goes...]



...and thus the chaos of packing begins.


my room is a shell of it's former self.
my bed is on the floor.
everything i own is already in a box.
fourteen days before i am at camp.
six teaching days left.
one formal observation period.
one job fair.
one birthday.
one commencement ceremony.


the numbers are dwindling quickly...



peace.

[jaws swimming theme]

tobacco and peppermint, dusting for fingerprints
film in her eyes from the glow


-brand new



[strange brew]



there's an unsettling concoction of nostalgia, fear, and adrenaline brewing within me.
my fight or flight senses always opt for flight in facing crises.
looks like i'm headed for a midnight run tonight.


call me a safe bet, i'm betting i'm not.

[movin' on]

i wouldn't say that i miss you
but somethin' keeps me with you
there's something about movin'
teaches you how to move on


-daisy may


[sleepless]



slightly calmer now.
still thinking in lists of things to do.
still wanting to cram in as much special time with people as possible.
but i know that life is going the way it needs to.
thank goodness for friends who answer their phones.

[okay, i believe you, but my tommy gun don't]

i am heaven sent
don't you dare forget
i am all you've ever wanted


-brand new


[coordinate brain and mouth]


random mash of feelings here:


i have approximately 17 days left here.
whoa baby.

i'm scheduling second interviews with schools in california.
i'm due for another job fair in 11 days.


oe is coming faster than i realized....and the waterfront at pendy is close on it's heels.


there are a million things to be excited about, but all i can think about are the things that i will be leaving.
i guess that's just more incentive to live it up while i'm here.


so tell me why, if i'm supposed to be focused on the here and now, am i nostalgic for all things and people chicago?



i'm just an emotional mess of contradictions. so what else is new.


i guess you could call it absolutely normal chaos.


and really, it keeps life interesting.