[spinning]

i can't remember when the earth turned slowly
so i just waited with the lights turned out again
i've lost my place but i can't stop this story
i've found my way but until then
i'm only spinning


-jack's mannequin


[the world spins madly on]


so tonight i went out to dinner with the marian crew, and we celebrated our reunion as only marian girls do: with style. we went to the melting pot (YUM!), sharing our meals, our stories, our continued affection. honestly, there is no space between with us. even though it's been a year or longer since i've seen these girls, we picked up like we had seen each other yesterday.
but clearly, time has passed.
every one of my high school friends is in a long term relationship, one of whom is to be married early in august. several of them are on the east coast, philadelphia, boston, new york, and one is even in stockholm getting her phd. they have big girl jobs as nurses, consultants, forensic analysts, and marketers. it's crazy how none of them have changed, yet their lives have changed radically, in some cases.
and for once, i'm behind the curve.
not that it bothers me. i make my own choices, and they are taking me exactly where i go at the pace i want to go. and i knew that my friends were off doing these things, getting real jobs, getting engaged, having real relationships. but never did i ever feel so pronouncedly different, so behind the game as i did sitting in the restaurant this evening. not awkward, not demeaned, just behind. not a position i'm used to being in. and while i absolutely do not want to be engaged, i DO want to be elsewhere. i want to be on the west coast, i want desperately to be teaching in an urban school district, and something inside me (buried way deep down) really does want to be in a serious relationship.
it's no secret that i'm terrible at commitment, nor do i really have a lengthy history of dating people (greater than one, less than three...hmm). so naturally i'm a little concerned about my ability to find someone that i want to be with for the rest of my life. just a little concerned, though. i'm not in any rush to get to that point in my life. there's still alot out there left to be experienced, and that includes meeting people, having significant relationships, traveling, working, really living freely.
all in all, it was fabulous seeing my marian girls again. i love them all dearly, and i'm so glad they could all make it back to michigan. here's to many more meetings, including kathleen's wedding and our five year reunion :)
all in all, life is good.

peace all.