[snails]

snails see the benefits
the beauty in every inch


-the format


[heavier things]

i'm going to go ahead and step out on a limb.
whoever said that we die alone was wrong. maybe not entirely, in that the physical act of dying is one that can only experienced by that person. but no one is ever truly alone.
from the very instant of our conception, we are not alone. we are nourished in the womb by our mother, then, once born, we rely on our parents and family members to care for us until we are fully capable of caring for ourselves (that point in time remains to be defined).
we then spend our days occupied in two ways. the first of these is our main task, the force that drives our existence. we spend our time making connections. day to day, we are surrounded by people. around 7 billion of them, if you really stop and think about it. some of those people we will never meet, some of those people will pass near us, and some of them will, in a sense, pass through us. we connect with others, and in that connection a part of them is left in us. some we relate to more than others, and thus in their absence, a larger part is left. a wise man once said "i am a part of all i have met." i believe that the converse is also true: we are the sum of all we have met. in this way, we are infinite and others are infinite through us.
the question remains. why do we spend so much time trying to connect with people? humans are a social animal, we thrive on our relationships and ultimately cannot function without them. there is the occasional aberration, the hermits that live on the outskirts of society, unable or unwilling to function surrounded by humans. but by doing this, they defy an integral part of their nature. we talk, we socialize, because we are not complete people. each of us is comprised of different qualities, different natures. yet it is only through others that we not only come to know ourselves, but also how we become complete. like the chinese yin yang, we each have within us a given amount of light and dark, positive and negative, and it is in our connections, our real relationships that give us a balance.
it is also through others that we come to know ourselves. this brings me to the second, and ultimately most important occupation. we come to understand ourselves. a philosopher decreed, "know thyself." this is, indeed, our most consuming task, for people on the surface seem to never remain quite the same. yes, people change. but the nature of a person, that integral part of someone, does not alter. it is only unearthed or added upon, in a sense. and we do this by making those important connections with people. this also explains why some people do not remain in our lives. we find at times that it may be impossible to continue a friendship, or people drift away. the balance that they once provided is gone, because in their presence they have provided a new understanding of yourself - adding on or unearthing a part of your true nature. and this part may not always be compatible with the other person. so, a split. but that does not mean that they've left your life forever. just the opposite, in fact. they are integrally a part of you, having shaped your identity in a deeper way.
yet no one truly knows the same person. we are all comprised of different defining qualities, and we respond differently to other people. the person that knows me as a loudmouthed waterfront director would not know me in the same way as the person who knows me as an older sister, who in turn would not know me as an energetic fourth grade teacher. is it possible for one person to know someone entirely? recognize all of their faces, their masks, their facets? this is someone that people, whether knowingly or unknowingly, spend their lives seeking.
and so we go through life, searching out those people that help best define us, help us find who we truly are. the catholics believe that there is one person, one ultimate match that completes everyone. call it a soulmate, life partner, husband, wife, whatever. it is a common belief that somewhere out there, everyone has someone that will bring them balance. though once you find that person, what kind of a union you enter into is dependent upon what religion or spirituality you uphold.
despite the existence of that balancing person, those people that complete you, those people that pass through you, you will ultimately die, and that will be your choice. you may not choose to get cancer, you may not choose to have parkinsons, but that moment of death is you, letting go of your own life force. it is not always a conscious decision, but it is still your very own. some choose to take it more violently than others. suicide is a brutal denial of that balance, a person thrown so out of sync with universe that they feel they have no control. their only sense of power, their way of knowing themselves is to take their own life. what pushes a person to that extreme, i cannot say. but death, the ultimate knowing of yourself, is your own final decision.
and so it is, that when we die, it is like a rock thrown into a still lake at dawn. the ripples fan out in ever growing concentric circles, and each molecule of water is in some way affected. that lake then would be the people that you have met and affected throughout your life. in that moment, you are at once both physically alone and occupied by every soul that has passed through you. and the parts of you that you have left behind in others, they continue on forever.