[country roads]

all my memories, gather 'round her
miner's lady, stranger to blue waters
dark and dusty, painted on the sky

-john denver


[on the loose]


hello sunrise.
hello Thursday.

i was greeted by another gorgeous sunrise coming out of the gym this morning, and, per usual, i thought to myself, "painted on the sky." literally, the mornings out here are unreal - they look as if some modernist painter threw yellows, reds, and oranges at the canvas, letting the paints flow and meld into one another. i have seen some of the most beautiful sunrise vistas in my time in Colorado. my jaws have dropped a countless number of times.

now that i'm here, now that i'm immersed in the beauty, i've come to realize that the only thing to do is enjoy it....and share with as many of my loved ones as possible. so please, everyone, ask yourself this question: have you ever seen the sunrise turn the sky completely red?


if not, then you should be here.
now.


peace.

[carried home]

the kettle burned 'cause we left it too long
and we were kissing with the radio on


-iron&wine


[seek up]


a lovely person in my life once introduced me to the idea of "top fives". "top fives" can be a list of five things, typically the five best things in your life at that current moment. it can, however, also be adjusted to whatever topic so desired, such as "top five reasons to vent," "top five things that went wrong today," "top five people," etc. she also introduced me to the scent of patchouli, farmer's market fresh sandwiches, measuring lengths of parts of the body, the joys of reading to another person, being absolutely comfortable with yourself, and slowing the rhythm of the world, however, these are beside the point.

here are my top fives for today (in no particular order):
1. morning runs
2. seeing the humor in nearly everything
3. the ridiculous things small children say (for example, small german children that rant about scary monsters that come out on St. Nicklaus's day in the middle of a reading lesson :)
4. having a wonderful person in my life that loves to cook (and text me at work)
5. setting up "book buddies" with my students!

today (and recently) it's been particularly easy to see the good in things and the beauty around me. my trigger finger's been itchy for that camera, however, i always seem to be in the most inopportune spots when i see the most glorious sights. i'm practically bubbling over with joy, however, there's a nagging part of me that can't help but feel that it's all too good to be true and that something bad is bound to happen.

and i know it will.

obviously i don't know what will happen, i'm not psychic. but i do recognize that there is a rise and fall, an ebb and flow to fortune in life. the chinese example of fortune as a ferris wheel - you will be at the top, but you will also spend time at the bottom before coming back around - is one that particularly resonates for me. things are lovely now, though i know that there will be unpleasant disruptions. life goes on and on in it's great circle, and what is now will be again at some point.

but in this moment, i'm celebrating what i find to be good. which is quite a bit.


peace.

[mr. jones]

so come dance this silence
down through the morning


-counting crows


[we all want something beautiful]


...mmm....

i'm all wrapped up in the blanket that is Colorado, all wrapped up in the sunny, snow-melted noontimes, the rosy, ice-draped sunsets, the giddy, vacation-laden children, the lazy, lascivious mornings bucking green covers, the daily grind (sans coffee, of course), earnest secret-vault whispers, and dreams of golden possibilities along the trail of muddy boot-prints.

colorado is something beautiful. i've fallen madly and irrevocably in love with the place that, at our initial meeting, felt terribly strange yet familiar. as i explained to a dear friend over coffee under the Tuscan sun - i knew i was in the place that was perfect for me, yet i had felt so out-of-place initially. true to form, i have found home with the people out here. with my MSU family, with my students, with my renegade SPED team :) it never fails. it's the people that make the place, and wherever my heart is, i'm home. my heart has become inextricably tied, for which i am incredibly thankful.

starting this year off buoyed by the love of wonderful people, i can only feel positive about 2010 and all it is to bring.

so, a few days late, here's my toast to the baby decade. i raise my glass to love, to possibilities, and to change. for most often it is the unforeseen changes that escort challenge, surprise, and sometimes even heartache through our doorway. and it is in these moments, these delights, these struggles, that we are truly able to love, and to live life as we should: fully and unabashedly.

here's to the new year, babies.
slainte.

[fireflies]

i'm weird 'cause i hate goodbyes
i got misty eyes as they said farewell

-owl city


[iamundernodisguise]

it is in how we respond to the choices we are given that character is simultaneously revealed and shaped.
choice is an integral part of human development.




some choices are harder than others.

[unwinding cable car]

with quiet words
i'll lead you in

-anberlin


[coordinate brain and mouth]


confession time:

it drives me absolutely CRAZY when people don't appreciate what they have. there's so much focus on what they don't have, what they want, what's wrong, all the negative things in their life.

here's the thing.

i teach in a poor, urban district with a whole bunch of kids who can't see past the brokedown fence in their front yard. they sit in my classroom, convert oxygen to carbon dioxide, and walk out, still not trying. not all of my kids are in this category, but the ones that are merit special concern. if i can just get them to appreciate what they have (ahem, an EDUCATION, OPPORTUNITIES, etc), if i can just get them to see the good in their life and the differences they are all capable of making, then i have done my job. if they can learn about themselves, their capabilities and strengths, and use these assets to in turn become an asset to others and their world around them, then i have succeeded.
standardized tests and curriculum be damned.

[turns off mic, steps off pedestal, lights dim.]

kate out.

[(fork and knife)]

the wolf messed with your vision
he's sitting in your kitchen
while you sleep tonight.
he will eat your young
and you will act surprised


-brand new


[here is gone]

AHHH!!!!
the way my brain works, i'll never understand.

here's my situation:

i've been missing camp more than life itself. truly, i'd give anything to go back right now.
and i could....potentially.
i have october 30th (that friday) off as a PD day. i'm considering taking the 29th (that thursday) off to drive out to camp for halloween.

dilemma: there may or may not be three IEPs that i am personally responsible for being held on that day. this is the fourth time they've had to be rescheduled already, and we as a school could be held out of compliance (which is a BIG deal) by the CDE (colorado department of education) if the IEPs are late.

so what do i do?

do i save my sanity by visiting camp and the people i love or do i save money and my school by keeping in compliance with CDE?

potential plus: if those lovely people in chicago can afford to take time off, i can pick them up and take them to camp as well :)

thoughts?

[sweet disposition]

so stay there
'cause i'll be coming over


-temper trap


[hallelujah]


it never comes in trickles but in floods. floods in wall posts, in music, in pictures, in messages, in transit. i don't think i can express in words just how deeply i miss camp and everyone connected with it. this isn't new. i've just been so incredibly affected by my experiences there that to try to verbalize how i feel at this present time would only sound shallow and repetitive.
OH. SO. EMO.
i talked with a friend this weekend about taking off a week and visiting camp.
that's sounding better and better with every minute.

(don't get me wrong. i ADORE colorado and the wonderful people i've met here. my job is going wonderfully, the kids are hilarious (a small child just today told me i looked like a cop in my aviators :) - though sometimes extremely challenging, and i'm loving what i'm doing. it's just that camp pulls at my heartstrings in such a way that unmistakable and irreplaceable, even irresistible.)

so here i sit, hundreds of miles away from the people with whom i feel most home.

i'm torn. to wish for summer would be to wish away the sweet, melting smell of fall, with the burning leaves decorating cement sidewalks, as well as the frosty winter and the newly upturned dirt of spring.
i can't wish all that time away, knowing that there are going to be some incredibly precious moments between now and home.
but home sounds so wonderful right now.


love.love.love.