[wagon wheel]

i am an old woman
named after my mother


-old crow medicine show


[crash into me]


do you ever feel that on certain days you're a certain age?
i mean, i'm definitely not 23 every day of my life. most days, i feel like i'm 12. moving out here, i've felt all of about 5. this evening, i'm approximately 82.

getting out of my chair just now, every muscle groaned in vehement protest.
sometimes, i wonder why i do it.
run, i mean.
it's delightfully, terribly, masochistic.

but overall, it's just so good.


love for now.

[busted stuff]

rolling stone gathers no moss
but leaves a trail of busted stuff


-dave matthews band


[diggin' ditches]

...and filling them back in.

WHOA.
so much has happened in the time between my last post and now.

major things:

*joined the YMCA out here and will be spinning :)
*had a child tell me "i don't write." ..... this kiddo will be a challenge, to say the least.
*bought a new car!
*was taken out on a date with the guy who sold me my Tiguan.
*went to the mountains and played yesterday (for the first time)
*visited breckenridge and purchased a snowboard setup (it's already been decided that someone WILL be following me around on my first several runs, as i will be falling flat on my face.)
*was asked by my 5th grade team if i would be willing to teach science...this would mean teaching HUMAN DEVELOPMENT. yay, sex ed. we'll see if i actually end up teaching it.

baby, things move fast around here. that's why i love sundays, especially on a long weekend. it's time to take life slow, do the things i want to do without the pressure of getting things done for monday.
so here's to rolling, and rolling slow on an easy sunday.
love.

[black balloon]

i saw the world spin beneath you
and it scattered like ice from the spoon


-goo goo dolls


[absolutely normal chaos]


houston, we have achieved something like normalcy today!
corny, i know, but when you're all up in the beginning of the schoolyear, things are an absolute show, and doubly so if you're in special ed.
i got my kids for BOTH writing and math today for the first time, yay!
had a great talk with my principal, we're on the same page and making changes to my schedule (go figure, something new!) that will allow me to better help my students, double yay!

outside of school...yes, i sort of have a life outside of the purple building....i got to talk to an old friend who really reminded me of all the things i love to do and had planned on doing once i got out here and got settled. it's strange to think that it's possible to forget the things you actually want to do, but in the chaos of figuring out everything i had to do, my own personal interests got shoved aside.

here's the (ever-growing) list.

1.learn the cello
2. join an orchestra
3. learn to snowboard
4. join a photographer's association
5. hiking/camping (club, maybe?)
6. take up yoga/spinning at the Y (Spo, i'm going to make you proud ;)

so i whipped out my flute and blew away the dust tonight after that inspirational phone call. MAN it felt good to pick it up and make music once more. i had forgotten what a simple pleasure that was. looking over my sheet music i realized - i used to be good. i hope to be so once more.
what i'm trying to say is twofold: one - thanks Will, it's always wonderful to talk with you, and two - i'm super excited about what the future will bring.
i've already started on it.
here's to checking off that list of loving life.


here, in this hour, it is just me, a cup of tea, the goo goo dolls, and ayn rand's "atlas shrugged."
round two, here i come.

cheers.

[electric feel]

with voltage running through her skin
standing there with nothing on
she's gonna teach me how to swim


-mgmt


[sweet disposition]


two absolutely crucial, very important things:

1. go see (500) days of summer.
absolutely beyond phenomenal.

2. next time i try to leave, just hold me.
don't let me go.


so many times i think i've made up my mind, that i feel like what i'm doing is for the best, it's exactly what i want to be doing.
i've been told by some very wise people to "go with my gut" so to speak. to trust my feelings.
what happens when you realize that making yourself happy also affects others? what happens when you realize that making yourself happy isn't always the easiest decision?

have no regrets.
take it for what it is.
love the hell out of it.
learn from it.


believe me when i say these aren't always the easiest things to do.
so it goes.



i'll teach you how to swim as soon as i figure out how.

[private radio]

catch me, not care
can't call me later
morning's rising


-vanessa carlton


[gravity]


this is a morning for indulgences (i can't help but think of the fridge in chuck's basement when i use that word...). toast with honey, and raspberry tea listening to the crooning of sara, vanessa, kt, and nora. a lovely, luxuriously lazy morning writing to those i love, planning to use my day exactly how i want it to be used.
i think i'll wear a dress today :)

love.

[let me be it]

let me be your tidal wave
that flows around you like a million
drops of summer rain
that flows around you like a million
tears


-the flaming lips


[let me be your rain]


there's no water here.
it rains (if the brief misting even qualifies) for approximately five minutes, then everything miraculously dries and the sun comes out again.
for whatever reason, in moving to the mountains i forgot i was leaving lakes behind me.
i didn't realize i'd miss them so much, too.
my research shows a two hour drive in order to find the nearest lake.

i smell a field trip in the very near future....



let me hold up the sky while you try.


i guess what i'm trying to say is that when you move away, you suddenly become aware of all the little things, the small strings that still tug at your heart. not all at once, but you feel the pull from all sides, places you didn't necessarily expect.
coming from a person who is typically found in the role of holding up the sky, it's a little bit of a role reversal, being the person to try.
i guess what i'm trying to say is that this isn't easy. at all.
but it DOES mean that i'm so lucky, to have so much love in my life to miss.
and i can only hope that in this year i can make Colorado a place to miss as well.

goodnight, and goodluck.

[who's to say]

stand up straight
do your trick
turn on the stars


-vanessa carlton


[high heels and cardigans]


and so starts the school year, in a whirlwind of madness.
the district begins with a marathon three days of testing, which includes a crazy rotational period during the day.
swept up in it all, it felt so flipping good to be back in the swing of things.
actually, it felt remarkably like a Sunday at camp (what a comfortable feeling!). i read the rules for the cafeteria and then took the small children (seriously, small...i had first and second graders!) outside to play. in that sense, things were wonderfully right at home. now little critters are walking around the building waving at me, and i feel like i belong.
it's such a comforting feeling, to have students in the school. life is starting, the wheel is beginning to turn, and everything is coming into focus.

so rock me momma...

i can only put my everything into this.
i can only hope that my everything is enough to make a difference.
i can only hope that my students leave me as empowered individuals, using their remarkable potential and capability to reach the stars.

there's so much inbetween now and then, and i can't wait to get in the water and swim, to revel in the glorious madness that is teaching.


peace.